WHEN EAST MEETS WEST!
THE DYING TRUTH!
Commentary By Hank F. Miller Jr.
(note Hank is a former Gloucester City resident who now lives in Japan)
In our marriage my Japanese wife have met and solved oodles of problems
of cultural issues, but one fairly thorney matter still remains.How to
face that ultimate marital crises:death.
My wife insists she wants to die in Japan and be cremated just like a
typical Japanese.As for me,I am leaning heavily towards not dying at
all and instead moving to Mali.She tells me this is impractical and
that I have to face facts.
But the fact of the matter is I have never been to Maui,and as for
death,there is no fact that I would rather face less.
Underlying our discussion is our unspoken agreement that-after living
most of our working life in Japan-we will eventually retire in
America.A compromise based as much on our bleak bank accounts as our
sense of fairness. Yet…\”I don\’t want to be stuffed in a box and
burried in a frozen hole in the ground.
\”How awful!\”
What\’s worse,I tell her, is the mustache people scribble on your lips
just before they close the coffin.There you are, six feet under with a
penned-on mustache, and you can\’t even scratch it. She asks me if I
like the idea of being burried.
I answer that it depends on whether or not I have cable TV.
\” And,\”I clear my throat,\”I hear the ground doesn\’t freeze in Maui.\”
Something in my tone makes her think I\’m not serious.As for her,she has
long since designed her own funeral service, including hymm
selections.If she didn\’t have about 40 years odd years left to kill,
she might even select her final garments,half-believing me when I say
I\’m thinking of dressing her as a Disney character,thats if I\’m still
around.
As for planning my own death,I argue I first have to start planning my
life or whats left of it.
\”But you never know when your time will come!\”I counter that death will
always be there. Life,however,flits away faster than bubbles in the
breeze.I prefer to catch it while I can.
A distinct unpleasantness of growing older is the increasing number of
funerals ones called to attend.Aging relatives and friends,older
colleagues and aquaintances-the list goes on it never gets shorter.
Rarely are these funny affairs.Though I do reserve some chuckles for
two foreign chums who attnded the wrong service by mistake.They lined
up at the temple,thinking they were paying homage to their neighbor\’s
mother,only to float to the front of the mourners and find the deceased
to be an old man. They bowed politely,then floated out to the
receptionist and took back their funeral money,you see here in Japan
each person attending a funeral give money gifts prepaired in special
envelopes.Yet,even then no one slapped their knees with glee.
Personally I find funerals depressing.I don\’t even want to attend my
own, let alone someone elses.I must admit I find Japanese services more
distressing than the Western version,especially for family members.
The body… the blanket of incense…the crematorium… placing the
bones in the urn. Much too grisly for a softie like me.My wife claims
my view is culturally biased.
That if I had grown up here I would find the concept of burial just as
morbid.Backing her are two boys and a daughter raised in Japan,who
prefer fire to earth.
So like most international couples,who compromise so much to tie their
fortunes together-or maybe like all committed couples anywhere-we\’ve
decided we\’ll have to go together.
Not that we\’re ready to summon Dr. Kevorkian. Or buy his or her coffins
(um..she says,urns).
We just plan to make the most of our remaining time,relying on our
faith that ties of the heart will always abide.
Besides,we\’ve yet to see Maui.Who wants to go before them ?
Warm Regards From Kitakyushu City ,Japan
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