Mostly, I put the blame for it squarely on the sneaky shoulders of law students. Who else studies Latin? Who else has the need to study Latin?
I personally come from a long line of honest lawyers. Two of them. Father and grandfather. My dad used to say that the only reason to study Latin was so beginning lawyers could read their diplomas. That view has now stood the test of time, and I believe the only way to fight these show-offs is to beat them at their own game.
Hunting guides, of course, know that alces gigas is that towering pillar of bog terror, the Alaska-Yukon moose.
But even hunting guides eventually run out of Latin names, so I think it behooves us, the non-show-offy members of society, to expand our Latin into things we really need. This will, of course, run the risk of child endangerment, because kids will make the perfect Latin speakers. They know the English words already, so here are some suggestions for translation into Latin.
Housecat: sleepa snuggle litter box.
Dog: Cleana yard afta me.
Teacher: Allus getsit wrong.
Architect: Donnnnnnnnnnnnnt fergita bathroom.
Evening meal: Mamafilma face up.
Grandma: Bighuga cumin.
Grandpa: Knowzitall justaskem.
Will it happen? Of course not. If it happened, and all those third graders got ahead of us using Latin, they could get away with murder, confess to it at the dining table on Sunday, and before we could notify the police or a homeless shelter, they could simply say, “Taking your habeas corpuscle into account, no one sees the evidentiary truth. So … Bluuuuuh!
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Brought to you by folks who should know better. Have fun.
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